Utterly exhausted

Moms are tested every single minute of every single day by their children. Working moms are tested between the hours of 6 am (or whenever they wake up) to 8:30 am and then again from 6 pm until bedtime, which could take up until who knows when. I am typing this while listening to my 4 year old crying hysterically upstairs "please! please! please! let me sleep in your bed" Seriously, sometimes I feel like someone took a knife and just put it through my heart!

Well my morning started off at 11 pm last night, then again at 1 am and again at 4 am and then at 6 am. Yes, my baby girl woke up continuously through the night! The poor thing was utterly miserable. I didn't understand why. Her fever broke. She's on antibiotics for her ear infection. She should be in a better mood! What the heck! So after I dropped her off at daycare and my older daughter at school, I got into the office and called the doctor. What's going on? She's still miserable! Well, I am told that she may very well have Roseola. A rash that forms on the torso and arms and legs --well I guess everything but the head--after a fever breaks. It's not contagious, but between the fever breaking and the rash developing she could be quite miserable. So now it's 10 am and I am asking myself "Do I pick her up or leave her at Daycare?" "I have so much work and she has no fever--but miserable--so should I just leave her at daycare?" Well that knife I mentioned earlier was stabbed into my heart many times today. I ended up leaving work early. what difference did it make, I couldn't focus on a thing anyway so why stay. I picked up my kids and brought them home. The first thing I did was strip my baby girl to check her chest and sure enough there was the beginnings of a rash!! very faint--something that I would have mistaken for eczema if I wasn't aware of the possibility of Roseola. Well her mood just continued to deteriorate. She was tired, not hungry and just wanted to be held. I couldn't put her down without her screaming and tears pouring down her face. So I held her the entire time.

Well my 4 year old decided to attach herself to my leg. Jealousy sucks! I try to explain to her that CG is sick and is cranky and needs to be held just like she needs to be held when she's sick. Well, her response was "mommy I am cranky too!" "Why are you cranky JG?" "I don't know mommy but a lollipop will make me feel a lot better!" this was said with tears. So I handed her a lollipop, gave her a kiss on her cheek and asked how she was feeling now. She responded that she felt a lot better, hugged me and told me she loved me.

So my entire day was an emotional up and down and a pull between work and concern for my child. So it's now 8:30 at night and my children are asleep....for now and I am drinking coffee, typing this and watching tv. Enjoying the few minutes of peace and quiet before I have to buckle down and get some work done --the work that I should have done earlier today--and praying that I will have a peaceful night.

On that note, have a good and safe night. Until tomorrow.